MB2X: On And Off-Stage Etiquette
Here at MB2X we’ve been telling people like it is for over ten years. In this very special anniversary post, we asked Justin Greczyn aka Commodore RedRum of USA’s #1 Pirate metal band Swashbuckle to share some of his extensive knowledge on the subject of touring. He was gracious enough to compile a list of 10 procedures that all professional groups must adhere to in order to achieve success in the industry. Read on!
Commodore RedRum of Swashbuckle
Live concert shows are an important part of any budding musical career. You’ve spent countless hours in your greasy room practicing your instrument. You’ve thrown together a band of the best musicians within walking distance, and now it’s time to show the world what you’ve got. This is the purest, most genuine opportunity you will have to connect with an audience on an emotional and intellectual level. YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK THIS UP.
1. ALWAYS wear your own band’s t-shirt. Self-promotion is the cornerstone of any enterprise.
2. NEVER draw attention in any way to your merchandise stand. Only posers buy band materials. Erect your stand in the darkest, most inaccessible corner of the venue, and avoid eye contact with everybody.
3. ALWAYS start loading your gear onto the stage before the previous band has gotten a chance to remove all of their equipment. The more confusion you cause, the more popular you will be. This is a statistical fact. Take as much time as you need, as the audience is more patient than you presume.
4. NEVER tune your guitar or bass until you’re already on stage, and always disregard your tuner’s mute feature. It’s not your fault you don’t have time to be prepared; you’re spending all of your time being a badass. It is this sort of showboating that will skyrocket you to the top.
5. ALWAYS decide your set list while on stage, and on the fly. No professional act predetermines what songs they are going to play, ever. This is just carelessness.
6. NEVER exhibit “stage presence”. This is largely a waste of energy and bores the audience. Your visual appeal is inconsequential and far overshadowed by your musical prowess.
7. ALWAYS take more time in-between songs than the songs themselves take to play. Providing lengthy half-hearted descriptions or anecdotes of what inspired the upcoming song, or previous song, is an ideal way to fill these gaps. Your philosophical insight into the world is valued and respected.
8. NEVER play less than three (3) cover songs. Original music is a relic of the past. The only way to garner attention and become successful is to play music that has already garnered attention and become successful.
9. ALWAYS ask the crowd how they’re doing tonight, but never actually care how they’re doing ever.
10. NEVER stay for the whole show. Only the bands that leave right after their set have a chance of getting signed to a record label/booking agent/distribution or promotional company. This is something that professionals keep a keen eye on. Your relationship to the community is irrelevant and unworthy of cultivating.
Music Business 2X 
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